Frankie from Seminole

Last Friday I was mortified to get a letter from an  incarcerated heroin dealer. He was looking for someone else that use to live with me, but asked me if I would also please  to him. At first I was pissed he had my address & I threw the beautifully handwritten letter away. I looked him up on the Florida inmate website. Don't ask me how I became so savvy...lol....He looks like most white dude inmates.He is bald with tons of tattoos.The tattoos are not of white supremacy, but of peacocks, the Pink Panther, his daughter & fluffy clouds...I got to thinking what got him there? What was his childhood like? Did he come from an abusive home? Did he not spend summers with his best friend by the pool sipping "sweaty pinks" aka Tabs? When he was depressed, did his Grammy take him to the Espana for a Monte Cristo? What if he had a crappy orthodontist ? Can he foxtrot or ride a horse? Did he take the number 7 bus instead of the 21? Everyone knows how traumatizing the number 7 could be, not to mention the terminal!! I still don't know if I am going to write him, I doubt it but I know one thing, I had it pretty good, not perfect but pretty darn good..I'm not going to judge him but if he shows up at my house I am calling the Sheriff ...I'm compassionate not stupid.

Typical LIl !!

Okay, so today I'm walking my dogs & I have my little plastic bags in my pocket.I keep them connected & keep a roll in my pocket. It started to get warm & I took off my hoodie, & wrapped it around my waist. We are walking up the street & it sounds like someone is following me. I turn around & no one is there. We keep walking & Amber has to do her business OF COURSE in someone's driveway.I turn to get the roll of bags out of my pocket & they have unraveled.I wonder how long I was walking my dogs with a SILVER TAIL!!

more Maryisms

Miss Personality-what she would call me after seeing the disdain on my face serving patrons at Surf N Sand..
Crabby Appleton- A grump, or as Derek said one time a Grumpy Bumpyton...lol
Crum Bums..Me & Mere
Devo Rotten Dog sitting on a log...she said that to every dog, especially Metro (she named him that cuz he reminded her of a bus)
American Catholic Princesses-Me & Mere
Not to change the subject but my horse back riding teacher who was a well known a@# hole had a huge crush on Mary...I think a lot of people did & still do..one of the reasons why I fell in love is because he & my mom had a kinship...
One time she came to visit us when Will was a baby.I had to run an errand & I told her to put in Veggie Tales. She's all" what is that"? I'm all "It's vegetables that each morality & religion" ....she looked at me & said "your kidding, right"?...she would also eat all of Will's Halloween candy without remorse...

Maryisims...

My mom is a beautiful & educated woman.She is also really funny. She had her own Urban Dictionary.
Slenderala Slim Jim- Someone who looks great because they have lost weight..
Tactile Defensive-The feeling you get when you don't want anyone to touch you or be in your space..
Sharking- when cats hover because they want to be fed..
Toby Tappy Toes-a dog that makes noise when he walks because of his/her's toenails..
Auditory Overload-when children are just too LOUD!!
Suzuki Ruth-her nickname for my BFF growing up..
Decorative or Functional? -what she would ask my sister & I..What are your plans for today, are you going to be decorative or functional? Most times we were decorative...
More later..she had a ton of them xoxo

Thank God!!

Many times I thought I was done but always went back to the same old crap. I think time does heal all wounds, also I have had some recent events in my life that put things in perceptive. I have been forced lately to care less about myself & more about myself. My point is, I now know that I need to focus on what's important (family, friends, pets, what is the best shampoo for curly hair?) not what is out of my control & toxic. I don't even feel the urge to call & say "good thing your a butt man, cause your going to prison"...no urge whatsoever..none :)

Fashion advice from a woman who has worn the same shorts all weekend...

Don't be uptight about the size of your clothes. Buy something that you love & that fits. You can always cut out the label & later take it to a tailor ( I know a couple of good ones, call me)
I use to hate buying jeans. They never fit except for Jordache in the1980s. Once again I buy the ones I like & it's like $10.00 to get them altered.
Think twice about that HUGE back tattoo...Do you think Pippa has one? Doubt it...
If your running late and/or hungover wear a really low cut blouse & push up bra & no one will look at your face.
I f you are married to a super hot dude or any dude you adore, take care of yourself because being a good mother (awesome) & a skilled cook is great BUT it's always good to have "insurance" & damn woman you deserve it!
More later gators! Smooch!

Gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove.

Okay so back in the day my sister's & my curfew was like 11pm. During the summer we would go out every night. Well, my grandfather who lived next door was always nagging my mother about it.I think he said people would think we were harlots..lol...Anyhow, my mother got sick of it & we had been late a couple times.One evening before we went out she said "if you are even 1minute late you will be grounded for the next few days & you won't be able to go out at night". We agreed & we really kept our eyes on the clock that night. We took the beach way home because we had like 15 minutes to spare. We get to the train tracks which was maybe a block away from the house. Here comes the train...the longest train ever...we were 5 minutes late & we got grounded. We had to stay home that next night with Mom. So we decided to make the best of it & blast Black Dog. About a minute into it my mother came out laughing and yelling GET OUT!!!