I know the song is about me....

Okay, so last summer I was laid off & dumped by an alleged Glaucoma medicine trafficker. I gained ten pounds drowning my sorrows in wine & Jack &The Box tacos....funny how things work...I have lost almost all of the 10 pounds & yes I miss my friends from work but I no longer miss Mr.Green Jeans.Does that make me vain? Oh yeah...I'm so back!!

Sweet & Sticky!!

So as you all know, I lost my beloved Snoe on Tuesday.I finally felt better yesterday because my son was so ill
 & I was so worried about him.We went to the Doctor & he has the flu & a sore throat...the Doc wrote up some prescriptions...today when I gave him his cough syrup some dripped off the spoon &  I licked it off my hand...I'm not wasting perfectly good Codeine..Who does that?

The Doctor will see you now :)

I am in such a funk...My son is sick & I have a lonely guinea pig...I'm taking my son to the Dr. today. It's a group of three brothers.. Dreamy, Crazy & Crabby...We are seeing Crazy today...he has a mullet & he stares at me when he should be staring down my son's throat...lol....I think he's cool...I know what your thinking...crazy dude with long hair would be perfect for Lil...too bad he's married...OH SHUT UP!!!!!

Lil's Favorite Things Part One...

Finding a Xanax on the ground..lol
Whole Lotta Love ( the song!)
Bonnie Hunt & Cameron Crowe movies
Gossamer
Yellow Porches- like a M&M
Words
Scrabble with Mere
Beauty products
Beanies
Guinea Pigs & Terrier dogs (gnarly combo)
Finding a Diet Pepsi in the back of the fridge
Gold sandals & golden boys
Bohemian tops & skinny jeans
more to come..running out of power xoxo

Yeah,,,I'll get right on that...

Today I was talking to a family member & she had the blues. She is feeling depressed because she buried her mother 8 years ago & she's missing her.Why must we be so burdened with pain when people leave us? Why can't we just "move on ?". I hate it when someone says "you need to get over it"...DUH...you don't think I want that? You don't think I would "get over it" if I could? You think I enjoy getting Christmas cards from Pfizer!! Well, I do want that & if I could flip a switch to make me feel better I would!!! Truth be told the card was kind of pretty...had like holly & stuff...

Snoe 2008-2011 RIP

Today I woke up to a sick teenager & a deceased guinea pig. Yes I know what many of you are thinking "it's just a glorified gopher (not the teenager) blah blah". Well, I beg to differ...they have incredible personalities more so then rabbits..they coo, they chat, yell & when they are happy they jump! I think when someone's pet dies they always think they could of done more to help them....She was a wonderful companion. I know your not suppose to humanize your pets but she was an oblong Barbie ( I guess that would be dollanizing?) & I will miss her tons...She died with her sister by her side & I hope painlessly..I'm sad :(

Arcady anarchy..

 One time I was with my BFF & we were babysitting at her neighbor's house..maybe we were house sitting..I don't know...we did a lot of sitting...I think the neighbor was a dentist...he had a modern house & a swimming pool with black tile so you couldn't see the bottom...anyway, he had hired some cute boys from a local boy's  Catholic boarding school to do yard work...We were lounging poolside & one of the boys stepped into a hole & mowed over his foot with the power mower...so gnarly...it went through his tennis shoe & there was blood everywhere...we had to call 911 & the ambulance took him to the hospital...I hope he's okay & that he fully recovered, from messing up his foot & the Catholic boarding school...

Lil Facts about Lil Diffy!

Falls down the stairs stone cold sober on a first date in front of Jamba Juice at noon...
Had a bikini wax that made her look like Hitler..
Almost broke her nose jogging...
Almost broke her nose playing tennis..
Knows for a fact that deviated septum does not grant you a nose job..
Had a pigeon land on head while walking the dog with her sister..
Was standing outside a bar texting when a guy came up to her & said "Your much thinner in person then your MATCH.com photo"..
Drove through a chain at work in her BMW 330i in front of like 100 people..
Thinks Titanic is a lame movie & thinks it's BS that the old lady threw the diamond in the ocean..
Likes her men like her brownies, blond & not too gooey..not too nutty either...
Is not bipolar or crazy, she knows this because she has asked...

Dude, scoot over!

I was in Planned Parenthood once because I didn't have health insurance & I thought it would be cheaper, it wasn't...When I first went to make an appointment there was a man asleep on the lawn & I pretty much had to step over him to get to my BMW .Even though it was the standard exam all women get I was mortified by what may lie ahead for me. My good friend Lisa went with me & even took me out for a burger beforehand :) Picture this ...we are sitting in the waiting room, a room that that reminded me of the DMV  but with bullet proof glass & a TV. Lisa is sitting next to me with her really long legs stretched out before her, arms folded & watching the TV that is nailed to the wall. I am sitting there with my denim skirt, fake & bake tan filling out my info on a clipboard. As I sat  horrified because I almost put the pen in my mouth.,one of the women on TV announces "last night I accidentally slept with Sebastion!!"...Lisa looks at me & says "OMG..who sleeps with someone "accidentally?!!"...I'm like "I dunno, most of the people in this room?"

Twiddly Dee!!

I went to my therapist in tears saying "I'm such a cliche, I'm an unemployed widow & single mother who's ex boyfriend is in legal trouble! She said "Lil, in all my years I have met a lot of people & that is not normal therefore you are not a cliche...then I asked "what if I get a Confederate flag?

Hot sauce?

Those of you who know me know this story..
 So I have this friend who is super cute & super fun....a free spirit who like a lot of people our is adjusting to being divorced etc..So, one night he calls & announces that he is on his way up to see me & William & help me with some stuff I need done around the house...it's like 10pm? So around 11pm he calls me from Jack in the box which is like a block away...I give him directions & ask him to bring me a taco...I wait & I wait until it's midnight.. I go outside, look down my driveway & across the street I see a sheriff & they have a truck pulled over...I walk up to them & their all "Mam can we help you?" I'm all "I'm waiting for a friend & he's super late"..Their all "what's his name?" I tell them & they say "he's under arrest for drunk driving"..I'm all "can' you just let him go & he can walk across the street to my house?" "no, Mam he's under arrest for drunk driving." "can I talk to him?"" no, Mam he's under arrest for drunk driving."
The next day I'm sitting in the Sheriff's station in my black sundress & strappy sandals, waiting for his release & thinking "god, I could use that taco right about now...

Sorry?

I don't know if it's because I'm Catholic or insecure but I think everything's my fault...I hear a horn honk & I think I ran a red light...my former shrink stopped practicing & became a financial planner, I was sure it was something I said..I imagined him thinking "Oh god, please make her lips stop moving!"...anyway, I have tried not taking the blame & listening to the people that say things to me like "your too hard on yourself, you have been through a lot" or "don't worry you're not going to hell, he's the one that's married"....Well bottom line is that we all make mistakes & no one is perfect except for Jesus Christ, oh yeah  & his mom too :)

More Lil Facts..

I'm pretty good a multitasking, just today I touched up my roots while cleaning the guinea pig cage and I had started a load of wash...My problem is I find everyday tasks so mundane, but I'm sure if I had "help" I'd be just as bored but with a clean house.I think one my first memories is of being bored ... no wait there was  that one nanny that use to beat her charges with her sandal...my sister & I would be sitting on the grass looking at them, then each other & saying the toddler equilavent of "OMG & WTF!"

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